seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
