you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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