I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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