So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
