My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
