My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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