That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
