real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the day after is always just damage control
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
