I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize