Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize