I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
