He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize