why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
