Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
