Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
