He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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