she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
