My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
