when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
