you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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