when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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