It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
