hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
