The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
