Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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