I just saw a hot homeless man
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
