Plan B is the new Plan A
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
