i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
