Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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