She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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