One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
