i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
