my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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