6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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