this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
