wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
