So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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