He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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