we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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