I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
