Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
