I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
