well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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