Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
