If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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