Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize