Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
