I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
