I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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