How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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