my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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