Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
