Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
