his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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