i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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