I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
