Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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