Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
