Soap is not a condiment
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize