two words...techno handjob
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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