I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
