So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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