You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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