Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
