I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she told me i tasted like america
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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