Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
