She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
