I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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