I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize