The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
