we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
