please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
