summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
