sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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