So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
